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Why You Should Outsource Your Writing, Plus How to Do it Well
A client of mine — who is a general contractor — was considering whether to hire a writer, when he had an epiphany: I could do all the plumbing in the houses I build myself, but I don’t; I hire a plumber, because that’s what they do. Why in the world would I try to write…
Apostrophe Apoplexy
To editors, superfluous apostrophes are a blot on the grammatical landscape. While apostrophes are necessary to indicate possession and construct contractions, please don’t use them willy-nilly. There are rules! And they are pretty easy to follow: Do use an apostrophe with plurals of single letters: Mind your p’s and q’s. I got two A’s on my…
I Pee for Free
I used to get paid to pee. I also got paid to walk around my office, talk on the phone, surf the Web, do my expenses, stroll around the block, eat lunch and visit with my co-workers. Now I don’t. That has been one of the hardest things to which I have had to adjust…
Rooter’s Dozen
As a sports fan, I find it much more fun to watch a game that includes a team in which I have a vested interest. But any sporting event is more fun to watch if you are rooting for someone. Therefore, I have developed 12 rules by which I choose for whom to root in…
Feeling Sadly?
Do you feel sadly? No. You feel sad. Do you feel gladly? No. You feel glad. So why, oh why, do so many people — including so, so many fairly well-educated folks — say they feel badly when they just feel bad. If you feel badly, it likely means something is wrong with your hands.…
For the Last Time
We are pessimists. This is proved (see post on proved/proven) by one of the most common mistakes I encounter: the use of the word “last” when it should be “past.” “Last” means last, literally. Use “last” if it is the end of the road, and there is no hope of ever doing/having/being whatever it is…
Down With Capitalism
Capitalism can be a very ugly thing. I say this with all sincerity, though with no reference whatsoever to economic systems. (Trust me: As someone who had to learn economics using M&M’s, this is for the best.) Why, oh why, do people insist on capitalizing things willy-nilly? Does it make them feel more important? Stop…
Quote Me
I know you all spend sleepless nights worrying about how punctuation fits with quotation marks. Does it go inside? Does it go outside? Where, oh where, does it go? Here’s the deal: Periods and commas always go inside quotation marks. Always. Did I say always? Semicolons always go outside quotation marks. Again, always. Dashes, question marks and exclamation points…
Who’s on First
Speaking of apostrophes (well, we were a while ago), here’s another often-flubbed item: Who’s is a contraction of “Who is”: Who’s going home for Passover? Who’s eating too much? Do you recall how we remember it’s (the contraction of “it is”)? Same goes for who’s: Think of the apostrophe as a leftover from the dot of the i. Whose is possessive: Whose…
I say JoePa.
This is my favorite picture of me (as it was the ’80s, I give myself a pass for the glasses). I did not know it had been taken, until it was given to me as a gift by a dear friend (that’s the back of her blond head) many years later. While I know I…
